Do I love myself?

Recently wrote this on another blog (Life With Cake) -
Would just like to say that I can imagine it is true and I want to believe it is but my brain is so used to believing that I have to be thin to be happy, if I look at my ED and know that it is harming me when I ask myself will I feel happier tomorrow after suffering today my answer is usually yes it was worth it if it stopped me gaining weight. I really want to stop thinking like this but even with my therapy sessions I don't know how, Genie x

The blog was talking about "self love and that in order to achieve it you have to take action. That we are so used to self hatred that we are afraid to take action to make ourselves feel better."

This is exactly how I feel. I have spent my whole life believing thin is better, "I'll be happier if I'm thinner", "things will work out if I'm thin", "people will love me if I'm thin". It is the habit of a life time and one I know I need to break! Who made this rule up? The rule that you can only be happy if your thin? I did. I have convinced myself for so long that I have an unrealistic image of my self in my head of what I need to look like and because I don't look like this I punish myself.

The next step is to start finding things to do so my confidence builds, and I start the slow process to loving myself. It is such a hard thing to imagine - loving myself, as the ED voice asks me "are you worth it?" and my normal response would be no, but I am going to try and turn this around and say YES I am worth it.

Love Genie x