Cake?

Hi
What a gorgeous day today! 11 degrees, blue skies and the sun is shining, now for January that's not bad :-) So even though the weather is lovely and today started off as a normal day, waking up, getting ready and going to church, as usual the bulimia ends up taking over one way or another.

My husband told me after church that we were having friends over in the afternoon for coffee and cake. Such a normal activity for most people but the mere sound of cake and my heart starts racing and I start to feel sick. My husband asked if I could go into the supermarket to get the cake as I needed to get some extra shopping anyway. I said yes thinking that I could do this, it's not that big a deal - it's just cake. So my game plan was to get the other things we really needed that were on the list first; salad, tomatoes and diet coke were the easy part of the list. Next was the butter and bread, a bit more challenging but as I stuck to the list it wasn't too bad. Then it was the cake. Approaching the isle the nerves inside grew and all I wanted to do was turn around and walk the other way. But I pressed on. The hardest part was choosing the cake! Which one, chocolate, plain, carrot, coffee, iced buns, french fancies the isle seemed to go on forever. My usual response would be to look at the fat content and calories but my thearpist has told me to try to stop. So I was meant to choose a proper cake like a round carrot cake, I picked one up and the thought of buying a whole cake and taking it home I just couldn't do it. So I quickly grabbed a box of muffins and some jam tarts ran to the till and got out!
It probably seems so extreme to some people but this is how I genuinly feel when I have to do the monthly shop let alone buying the odd cake to enjoy with friends.
Needless to say I didn't keep lunch down with the nerves of having some cake later. I am infact writing this now our friend's have gone home and I did manage to have some cake but the guilt I feel - what is it all about!!!???
I am going to try hard this evening to stay strong and not binge on the remnants of the muffins. I really wish I could look at food normally, and only think about it when I have to, but my brain won't work like that food is on my mind all the time and even that makes me feel guilty like I will become fat just thinking about food.
If anyone else feels like this out there is there a way to cope with it? My therapist says I have to deal with the issues behind the eating and even though we are doing this it is taking such a long time. I want to be patient but it just seems so impossible that talking is going to cure me.

Love to fellow sufferers out there, hope you are managing better than me,
Genie xxx