New year, New start.

Christmas is always a hard time of year, as everything is centered around food. Mince pies, Christmas eve dinner, Christmas lunch and boxing day buffets are only a few of the meals that are expected to be consumed as well as chocolates and sweets.
I had hoped this year after having therapy for 6 months that I would be able to handle the pressure and not binge. Whereas a few years ago I would not touch a single thing for fear of getting fat I now feel pressured to eat and want to eat so I do. But once I have eaten the feeling of guilt overwhelms me so the binge/purge fest then begins.
Christmas didn't go too well, I had told myself that in order to enjoy the day and the food if I got too full I would just purge - I know this is the wrong attitude to have as the feeling to binge and purge isn't just to avoid putting on weight, but it is adddictive and I have found comfort in it.

So starting the New Year I am putting things in place to help me change the way I think about Bulimia. If I am going to get better I have got to realise that yes I might put a little weight on (which is scary on it's own) but I have to learn that it is ok. Learn to love myself as I have hated myself for far too long and I want my son to have a positive role model. Keep binge foods out of the house and find activities that I really enjoy to fill up the time I would otherwise use to binge/purge.

Bulimia is like living in hell, and I am not going to let it beat me if anyone else out there feels like I do or you have any suggestions, comments please let me know I would be really interested to know how other people are coping with this horrible illness, I am fed up with it sucking the very life from me when I could have so much to give but it has taken my confidence, my health and my life! As positive as I am I can beat it, some days I just feel like I'm not strong enough. My love goes out to anyone else suffering, it is a REAL illness and even though there is help - I feel it is not enough.

Genie x