Hi.
I have decided to start a blog to help me through my bulimia, but before I get to where I am now let me fill you in on a little of how I got to where I am.
I have suffered with eating disorders since I was 10 years old. The first came in the form of comfort eating due to sadness in my homelife where at my biggest I weighed 14 stone. I then moved away from home and decided enough was enough so took control of my eating and lost 5 stone in 6 months through extreme diet and exercise and as I became obsessed I developed Anorexia nervosa which then controlled my life for two years. On becoming pregnant with my son I knew I couldn't carry on with the dieting and so relaxed a little with my food knowing that no matter how much I hated myself and my body I was doing the right thing by my son and he would be healthy. He was born March 2009 at a weight of 6Lbs 11Oz. I had post natal depression, and most of it was down to my weight gain. Which affected how I felt about my son and how I saw myself as a mother. This is when bulimia found me. I was vunerable and having grown up with the belief that only thin people are happy I believed I had to lose the weight in order to feel loved by my son and for me to love him. The binging and the purging began as a way to lose and control my weight and I dropped from 15 stone to 8 1/2 stone over the course of a year.
It wasn't until May 2010 that after watching a television programme on bulimia it dawned on me that I had a problem. It was the most scariest evening of my life when I picked up the telephone to call my mum and admit I had an eating disorder. She was instantly so supportive I knew I'd made the right decision. However the little nagging voice in my head that encouraged the bulimia disagreed and said 'now that someone knows, you won't be able to hide it anymore and you might actually have to stop!' Because even though I knew I would have to get better and wanted to get better it terrified me that I could no longer rely on the bulimia to deal with my emotions and I would have to start relying on other people.
But owning up to the bulimia, going to the doctors and being diagnosed with bulimia nervosa made me see how much damage I had done to my body and what could potentially happen to me in the future if I was to carry on. The thought that I might not be here for my son scared me so much I knew then and there things had to change, or at least I had to start making a change.
So where am I now........
I am currently seeing an ED (eating disorder) therapist from the NHS, my close family and friends know about the bulimia and I am battling with it every day. I am focusing on my family and work but it isn't something I can just block out it always finds a way to creep back in and my recovery is all about learning what triggers the bulimia and how I can deal with any problems or issues without turning to it as a coping mechanism or as a means to stay slim.
I hope this blog will let other sufferers know they are not alone as I know what it is like to feel there is no one that could possibly understand what it is we go through, but I also hope it will reach non sufferers as when it comes to eating disorders bulimia can get misunderstood and I want to show people that bulimia is a real illness and it that has controlled my life for the past three years and even though I am seeking help and I believe I will get better, every day is still a battle and I look forward to the day that I beat it.
Best wishes Genie x
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